3/5 - 12.2 Part 2... a day my crossfit world changed...

I’ve almost cried

by the way a wod has challenged me mentally, physically,

from setting PR’s, finding comfort in a move that eluded me

and mostly because of satisfaction, pushing farther, faster, breaking barriers.

Yesterday I cried for all of the reasons above but mostly because of that last point.  I cried because I was proud of myself.  It was my proudest moment in crossfit thus far.

Collapsed on the floor the tears finally came.  An enormous smile spread slowly across my face and still I cried.  It was a ridiculous contrast, emotions bursting from somewhere deep inside me.  I was proud.

It was the satisfaction of doing better, pushing farther.  Of Match’s words – words that I can’t recall, a sentiment that I can even now barely capture but a reaction I can still feel the essence of.   A hug and a pat on the back, a sense of joy – coach and athlete – success through hard work. 

During  12.2 my crossfit world was altered.  It was the first time I felt so immensely proud of myself, of what I had accomplished in those mere ten minutes.  I can’t quite grasp specifically what caused the shift but it still leaves a smile imprinted on my face more than 24 hours later.  It might have been the final score, besting my previous by 15 reps – but that seems too simplistic.  It could have been the courage as I faced a weight that had mere days before been unthinkable, overcoming fear.  I think though it was the sense of accomplishment.  Lifting heavy, repeatedly.  The motivation and inspiration of those around me.  Encouragement.  Of hearing the words that I wasn’t just bettering myself but also my team – the urge to fight harder. For them.  For me.  A moment that I dreamed of, had doubts on whether I could actually achieve and smashed it anyway.  I didn’t quite make 60, that was the stretch goal, ideally I was hoping for 50, I’ll take 57.  A very satisfying 57.

Those ten minutes were a culmination of all the heavy weights I’ve picked up over the past few months – trying to Rx every workout even while finishing last.  Slow.  I couldn’t see my progress through the wods but yesterday, it all shone through.  Finally.  It was the reward I’d been unknowingly searching for.  In my first few months of crossfit the improvements were exponential – if not by time then by weight, by weight and then time.  Growth.  Lately though, I’d been feeling like I had plateaued, unreasonably, a mental barrier solely but still it was present.  Yesterday though I broke through – went harder, heavier and it most definitely felt like it counted for something more than the Open score I posted.  Though that’s always rewarding too.