The day started well with my WLC approved smoothie for
breakfast (typical) and my hydration system for the SUP race loaded up with a
WLC approved ‘electrolyte’ (aka water with a bit of berry tea for flavor and a
bit of Himalayan sea salt. I grabbed a
pure fruit package of baby food knowing I’d need a little bit more energy after
waiting for the first half of the race to finish and for me to start. Check.
I grabbed my black coffee and was good to go. All set.
All of this went to plan.
I also knew it was Sunday which meant market day and making good food
for the rest of the week and having the leftover Red Thai Curry for
dinner. Completely meeting all WLC
guidelines, choices I’ve decided to make.
Planned, prepared, ready. But…
But… I raced 5km, on the water, in the sunshine, on a
summery day. Sounds like a pretty good
excuse right. But you know what – it wasn’t
an excuse. I wanted nothing more than a
nice cold beer when we were finished. It’s
the *only* time I actually *crave* beer – after being on the
water and paddling. It’s just how it
goes. And while Nat and I initially felt
guilty, while I kept feeling guilty and still also chose to indulge in some
deep fried snacks (again, what my body actually wanted at that point) I felt
guilt. I didn’t like this feeling and I
realized that I didn’t feel guilt about what I was choosing to put into my
mouth but rather I felt guilty about breaking some ‘guidelines’ that someone
somewhere – a person without a face – chose to write down and we chose to
follow as gospel. I didn’t like it. As I was happily washing off the salt from the
day with a slight beer buzz hanging over me I realized it was all crap. I didn’t to feel guilt and fuck it… I wasn’t
going to.
I had a great day on the water, a great race – which went
well beyond the necessary 10 mintues of working out – it was rather 45 minutes
of sustained high intensity and what I really wanted afterwards to refuel instant
was beer and deep fried salty goodness and I am not feeling guilty or ashamed
of any of that. I mean we have enough
pressures on us in life – enough external sources of shame and guilt and all
the rest and I’m not going to put that on myself when in reality I didn’t do
anything all that bad – maybe this makes me a poor WLC participant, I don’t know
but I am starting to realize I do disagree with some of the ‘rules’ and there
is no way out of it except ‘breaking them’ as if that is somehow bad. I remember back in February when we did the
primal challenge at Cooee and I swear for 3 weeks – 21 days – I was full on
commited to eating not only primal but full on paleo and I also gave up coffee
and dark chocolate. I went all in and I
did it and developed good habits from it, realized that it was easily doable
and that it worked for me but there’s something about this WLC that I am not
fully on board with. I think it’s the strictness
of the rules and how some of them don’t even make sense other than yes or no
based on some persons principles somewhere – what’s the backup? I also think it’s the competition aspect of
it. Life isn’t a game and more
importantly it’s not a competition with people around us it’s about
ourselves. Being the best that we can be
individually. So I’m taking the
competition aspect out of it for me. I’m
throwing it out the window. I’ll record
my scores each day and I’ll do the final workout and measurements but I’m not
going to make it about you or me and I’m most definitely not going to feel
guilty about “cheating” especially when I’m fully aware of the choices I am
making for myself.
What I am going to make it about is me. I’m going to be aware of what I choose to
fuel myself with and how those choices make me feel (for the record I didn’t
feel the greatest last night but that’s okay too). I’m going to embrace my fellow participants
and support them through this 8 weeks and I’m also going to accept the choices
that they make whether ‘breaking the rules’ or not. I am going to get excited about new recipes
that force me out of my routine eating habits and I’m going to indulge in the
meal sharing experiences that Angie and Brenda are going to bring to me every
week. Mostly though I’m going to do what’s
best for me, not what someone else thinks is best for me and if that makes me a
bad participant then I’ll be okay with that because I’m okay with me.
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