Monday, September 17, 2012

WLC Day 2... Guilt Free... Not the Popular Opinion

I know it’s only day 2 of the WLC but I had some interesting revelations today and oddly enough it came from *not* eating well but being cognizant of it and also being okay with it.   Let’s go back to the beginning.

The day started well with my WLC approved smoothie for breakfast (typical) and my hydration system for the SUP race loaded up with a WLC approved ‘electrolyte’ (aka water with a bit of berry tea for flavor and a bit of Himalayan sea salt.  I grabbed a pure fruit package of baby food knowing I’d need a little bit more energy after waiting for the first half of the race to finish and for me to start.  Check.  I grabbed my black coffee and was good to go.  All set. 

All of this went to plan.  I also knew it was Sunday which meant market day and making good food for the rest of the week and having the leftover Red Thai Curry for dinner.  Completely meeting all WLC guidelines, choices I’ve decided to make.  Planned, prepared, ready.  But…

But… I raced 5km, on the water, in the sunshine, on a summery day.  Sounds like a pretty good excuse right.  But you know what – it wasn’t an excuse.  I wanted nothing more than a nice cold beer when we were finished.  It’s the *only* time I actually *crave* beer – after being on the water and paddling.  It’s just how it goes.  And while Nat and I initially felt guilty, while I kept feeling guilty and still also chose to indulge in some deep fried snacks (again, what my body actually wanted at that point) I felt guilt.  I didn’t like this feeling and I realized that I didn’t feel guilt about what I was choosing to put into my mouth but rather I felt guilty about breaking some ‘guidelines’ that someone somewhere – a person without a face – chose to write down and we chose to follow as gospel.  I didn’t like it.  As I was happily washing off the salt from the day with a slight beer buzz hanging over me I realized it was all crap.  I didn’t to feel guilt and fuck it… I wasn’t going to. 

I had a great day on the water, a great race – which went well beyond the necessary 10 mintues of working out – it was rather 45 minutes of sustained high intensity and what I really wanted afterwards to refuel instant was beer and deep fried salty goodness and I am not feeling guilty or ashamed of any of that.  I mean we have enough pressures on us in life – enough external sources of shame and guilt and all the rest and I’m not going to put that on myself when in reality I didn’t do anything all that bad – maybe this makes me a poor WLC participant, I don’t know but I am starting to realize I do disagree with some of the ‘rules’ and there is no way out of it except ‘breaking them’ as if that is somehow bad.  I remember back in February when we did the primal challenge at Cooee and I swear for 3 weeks – 21 days – I was full on commited to eating not only primal but full on paleo and I also gave up coffee and dark chocolate.  I went all in and I did it and developed good habits from it, realized that it was easily doable and that it worked for me but there’s something about this WLC that I am not fully on board with.  I think it’s the strictness of the rules and how some of them don’t even make sense other than yes or no based on some persons principles somewhere – what’s the backup?  I also think it’s the competition aspect of it.  Life isn’t a game and more importantly it’s not a competition with people around us it’s about ourselves.  Being the best that we can be individually.  So I’m taking the competition aspect out of it for me.  I’m throwing it out the window.  I’ll record my scores each day and I’ll do the final workout and measurements but I’m not going to make it about you or me and I’m most definitely not going to feel guilty about “cheating” especially when I’m fully aware of the choices I am making for myself.

What I am going to make it about is me.  I’m going to be aware of what I choose to fuel myself with and how those choices make me feel (for the record I didn’t feel the greatest last night but that’s okay too).  I’m going to embrace my fellow participants and support them through this 8 weeks and I’m also going to accept the choices that they make whether ‘breaking the rules’ or not.  I am going to get excited about new recipes that force me out of my routine eating habits and I’m going to indulge in the meal sharing experiences that Angie and Brenda are going to bring to me every week.  Mostly though I’m going to do what’s best for me, not what someone else thinks is best for me and if that makes me a bad participant then I’ll be okay with that because I’m okay with me.

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