Tuesday, August 28, 2012

8/27 - WODing and personal reflections...

After a weekend of doing a whole lot of nothing – well, there were some epic and fun walks I guess – it was back to Crossfit tonight.  The WOD on the board looked tough but not killer and yet it almost did kill me but we’ll get to that.  First it was another creative warm up from Coach Tim.

Run to the back fence
Shuttle run for 5 of the car parking lines (I swear he really wanted to make us do all of them – there’s about 30)
10 KB Russian swings
Lunge half the box with KB locked out overhead (one arm)
10 KB goblet squats
Lunge half the box with KB locked out overhead (other arm)
10 KB cleans (5 each arm)
Leg swings, shoulder swings, etc. to get joints ready for WOD

5-5-5-5-5 Push press


This was pretty hard for me because as soon as I did I want to jerk the bar (even if it’s just a little) rather than just pressing it.  I am struggling with the line between strict pressing and jerking.  I managed 40kg which is pretty good as my previous PR was 34kg back in March – though my strict press is now up to 35kg (Aug 3/2012) so I was thinking I could manage more than 40 but just wasn’t feeling it – especially for 5 reps.

Front squat (40/60kg)
Toes to bar
12:02 Rx.5 (totally taking credit for that .5kg)

Everything about this WOD was hard.  At the end Coach Tim did comment about how it was 50 reps but the thing was the first squat hurt as much as the last one did.  As did the toes to bar.  There was just something off about me that just made it hard – 40kg is heavy(ish) but still pretty far from my max of 65kg so it shouldn’t have been as much of a struggle but it was.  I made it through the WOD – the first set I did 10 reps then 5-5 and from there on out managed only 5 reps at a time.  On the t2b I did 5 max. at a time though that has to do with the fact that I can’t link them directly together (I need an extra swing in the middle).  But even when I had to jump back up to do more reps on the t2b I just stared at the bar and didn’t want to go anywhere near it.  My back has been really tight lately – or rather half of my back has – just one side and Angie said it might have to do with some imbalance in my body so that I put more strain on one side than the other.  I’m been focused on rolling it out as much as I can but it still really aches (through my quad at times too) so I need to work on that – maybe it’s time to book another massage.  I finished though… I guess that was the only thing to take out of the day, even though I just wanted to curl up and cry I didn’t.  It’s more than that though, physically I’m hurting but not so much as to make me want to cry mid-WOD (or again in the car on the way home)… I wasn’t sure what was going on with me last night…

Personal reflections below… a warning to stop reading if you only care about the workouts…

I had plenty of time to think on my way home and started to realize that I’ve been a bit frustrated lately mentally and it’s just building.  The new job while full of potential and some great people has been a bit of a struggle as one of the guys who I’m supposed to be working with and then taking over for when he retires (again) just isn’t letting me get involved no matter what approach is taken (I’ve tried many different ways to get involved) or by whom (my boss has spoken with him several times and I think is just as frustrated at the situation).  I feel like a kid just out of school with very little experience rather than someone with a ton.  So there’s that. 

Building on that though (as it’s just a fraction of my day) is that there are a few people in my life who I’m finding frustrating lately or rather  I’m just expecting too much I suppose – these friends are starting to make me feel like I’m just not good enough somehow which in turn makes some of the jokes sting more than intended and the cycle perpetuates.  I realize too this is about me rather than them.  That there is something I’m missing, something I need  that makes me expect something from them even when I know better than to do that.  I’m also starting to realize that it’s all on me, that I need to figure it out  what’s going on in my head (and believe me, there’s much more than I’m going to talk about here) and more specifically what I need to do about it – for me.  Selfishly, me.  My life.  Sadly, the best way that I see to deal with these frustrating people is to just let go, I don’t have the space in my life for these people who don’t support me or who can’t find any time to hang out.  I’m better off focusing my energy on the ones who do and can and there are plenty of them.  I’m surrounded by them and rather than focusing on the frustration and trying to find away to ‘fix’ that, my lesson right now is to let it go.  Relinquish the need to try and figure it out, to make it work because it shouldn’t be hard, it shouldn’t be frustrating and more importantly it should just be fun.  Life is just too short for anything but.  So my focus, for now is on me, on relishing the love and support that does surround me (and thanks to my lovely friends for the reminders lately) and on letting go of those that don’t…

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